Father's Day

It's Father's Day...the second one without my Dad.
I'm thankful... for the unconditional love and care he gave me growing up and beyond,
for the listener he was, for his wisdom, for his sense of humor, for his compassion for people.

I'm thankful for the sacrifices he made, for the opportunities he gave me, for the qualities I inherited,
for the legacy he's left behind.

He was an awesome papa to my daughters, and I see him in them.
But first of all he was my father...

and inside this 50 year old wife and mom,
there is a little girl who just misses her Daddy....

I love you, Daddy... forever and always

Leaving the room

The music room at Levi Leonard Elementary

it has come so far since my first step inside it on February 14, 2008!

I sat at my desk, looking around yesterday

thinking about the hundreds of children who have experienced music here

how I've been privileged to watch them grow

their shining eyes

their joyful voices

their priceless smiles

Will I return to this room in August?

Will the goodbyes just be for the summer?

So much unknown...

it was hard...

leaving the room.

Looking UP

My facebook status on Friday was "life is looking up"

and I was referring to the upcoming interview opportunity...

but in a deeper way, life IS looking UP...

 relinquishing control

trusting

noticing the daily blessings

looking for beauty

resisting the downward spiraling pull of stress

finding joy in ordinary interactions

Hope returning

evidence of answered prayer

hurt healing

leaning into strength greater than my own

looking up

feeling peace

embracing Hope

Looking UP....

The Right Shoes

Brittany has become my self-appointed fashion consultant...

determined that I will have the right look

to help me secure a new position at an interview...

The dress has been ordered

we purchased the shoes (no "kitten heels")

and she just texted me that she found a perfect blazer to complete the outfit!

Having her home and taking on this role

gives me a definite boost!

Waiting is difficult

confidence fragile, but growing stronger...

when the call comes

and the time is here

I will be ready...

and wearing the "right" shoes!

Strong Enough?

Matthew West's song "Strong Enough" is what I wake up to nearly every morning...
a reminder that I must really need
because it couldn't just be coincidence

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength...
I don't have to be strong enough..."

Daily, hourly, moment by moment,
 I consciously give up control and lean into His strength

Lost Voice

I've lost my voice

literally, and metaphorically

my inherent buoyant spirit peeks through

yet my voice is missing

I've been challenged to think outside the box of k-12 education

to not just seek another "round hole"

to turn the tide of events into something positive and exciting

perhaps that is the purpose in these days with no voice

I am not able to talk

I have no choice but to listen...

The Pink Slip Emotions

The official letter was not a surprise

and all hope of it being rescinded was dashed this past Wednesday.

I'm struggling with varied emotions...

I've given in to storms of tears...

the surreal feeling that this was all just a bad dream, 

that I don't really have to be writing a cover letter, and answer questions.

When I was hired in Evansville in February of 2008

it was my dream job...a perfect combination of general and instrumental music teaching.

I was impressed by the longevity of teachers in the district, 

and truly felt that I would be there until I retired...

UNLESS I CHOSE TO LEAVE

That probably sums it up....this change is not my choice

How NOT to take this personally, even as I know it has no reflection on my teaching...

hard to think about "selling myself" when my confidence is at an all time LOW

and worries creep in...what if?...

yet blessings have come from changes that were not my choice

and I do believe God has a plan.

 I remind myself to take one step at a time

and trust...