The Fog Was Fitting...

 I said goodbye to the ocean on New Year's Day. The fog was fitting, as I feel like I'm entering a fairly foggy stretch in my life. So many unknowns, details about moving that are always on my mind, questions and timing...June 9 being the end of my teaching career is the only date I know for sure.

I feel very close to God at the ocean. I'm reminded that while the next few months are foggy for me, they are crystal clear for God and He is in control of all the details involved.

Welcome 2023!

I have faith and trust in God and His plans for me.

I have good things to look forward to, even as I journey through the last times and goodbyes.

My word for this year is CHANGE.

Thank You Blackhawk Church

Stories are so powerful!
A few nights ago all who were at the meeting were asked to write (in only a few sentences) how our life has been changed through experiences at Blackhawk Church.

Wow! In almost 18 years there've been a LOT of experiences!
Many different relationships have brought color and life to those seasons of my life.
Through growth in my faith, I have a better understanding of how God has gifted me to serve.

Tom and I have watched Jessica and Brittany go from loving "Creation Station" and other aspects of Children's Ministry to the young women they are today.

Jessica served many years in Early Childhood Ministry, was involved in College Age Ministry, and life groups, (attending and leading) and met her wonderful husband at the Majestic Theater downtown site of Blackhawk Church. Throughout challenges on her life journey, her faith has kept her strong. She is pursuing her career of nursing, and along the way ministers to Alzheimer's patients as a CNA. Now she's the mother of a precious baby girl. It's wonderful for us to see her family ever growing in their faith and involvement with Blackhawk Church.

Brittany had many similar experiences growing up, but College Age Ministry (CAM) took her in a direction none of us anticipated. On that first Spring Break Mission trip, her passion for justice was awakened. Other spring break trips and internships followed and she's now the Communications Director for 2nd Mile Ministries in the Brentwood neighborhood of  Jacksonville, FL.

That's where a story of my own comes in. I was so spoiled having both daughters in Madison, and wasn't thrilled about one of them being so very far away! (Even if visiting Florida, my favorite destination, is not a hardship for me!) I really didn't know much about 2nd Mile and I must admit I was resentful...During her intern year after graduating, people would ask what Brittany was doing, and the end of my answer was always "thank you Blackhawk!" very sarcastically. After all, Blackhawk was responsible for her even knowing about 2nd Mile...

Then came the 2016 spring break trip for Tom and me...We got to experience 2nd Mile's orientation and even serve with the mission team that was there for the week. (Very special that it was Blackhawk CAM!) I felt my heart changing and could even laugh when we found out that Brittany had referred to our visit as the "Parental Love Brentwood Project". Since then I have invested time and resources in 2nd Mile, and beyond the shadow of a doubt know that this is where God wants Brittany in this season of her life.

And now I can say "Thank You Blackhawk" ...and mean it with all my heart!

Picture Perfect

 Christmas night I enjoyed viewing many family pictures on FaceBook.

Picture perfect...

Such happy smiles...

and then I wondered if some of them are masking sadness and pain.

 Christmas is not "merry" for everyone.

Focusing on the deeper meaning and reason for Christmas,

I am reminded that God sent Jesus into an imperfect world.

His birthplace was not picture perfect...

yet He is perfect.

In 2017 

may we experience the layers of love in our relationships...

and have hope in Christ's perfect love.

In case you missed our Christmas video on FaceBook, 

you may view

Christmas 2016

Hurricane

I must admit that living here in Wisconsin I haven't paid much attention to hurricanes.

Yes, I would say a quick prayer for my Florida friends and family, 

and feel happy to know they were safe afterwards.

Hurricane Matthew is a different story.

This one is personal, 

because one of my most loved people is affected.

Suddenly, today it was pretty much all I could think about!

I've been praying continuously for my daughter, 

my 2nd Mile friends, the Brentwood neighborhood,

my family members, and my FullSail friends.

And while a huge part of my heart is there,

this is one (extremely rare) time 

that I can honestly say I'm glad I'm NOT in Florida.

Love is...

Last week I had a phenomenal experience visiting Brittany in Jacksonville, FL, 

and serving in her "world"-- 2nd Mile's Summer Day Camp.

I thought I had gotten a taste of what 2nd Mile was all about
when we were there in March, 

but working with the kids of the neighborhood made it even more real for me!

My heart was captured right away!

I was truly seeing God's love in action.

There were 50 kids at camp, divided into 3 age groups:

Soccer Ball, Basketball, Football.

My job for the week was to be one of the shepherds (leaders)

for the Soccer Ball kids (ages 5-8).

Since I'm certainly experienced with this age group, 

it was a good fit!

Being "Miss Brittany's mom" was like I was related to a celebrity! :)
(She is well loved!)

From Yard Time (choice of outdoor activities)
to Challenge Circle
(team time, building good sportsmanship and learning about the Gospel)

to Lunch (great time to interact with the kids)

to Large Group time

 (Bible verse of the day and cheers that are still stuck in my head),

and Stations
 (art, dance, sports, games, Bible, education & Snack).

All of this made for very full days!

And then there was "Water Day" on Friday!

An obstacle course complete with a slip and slide

 and water gun shooting at a human target
(me!)...

Water Balloon fun...

Water Games: 

Drip, Drip, Drop 

(like Duck Duck Goose with a pitcher of water!)...

Relay races with a kiddie pool!

Such a totally cool day!!

The 2nd Mile Staff is amazing!

They are creative, tireless and fully invested in these kids.
 They are spreading the Gospel throughout the neighborhood,
 building authentic relationships,
and showing God's love in tangible ways!

I'm finding it difficult to fully convey exactly how extraordinary

2nd Mile Ministries is...

One of those "you have to be there" experiences, I guess.

It was awesome to be part of Brittany's world for a week

 and getting to spend some "one on one" time with her.

I definitely "get" why she is so passionate 

and I believe she is following God's call on her life.

I love my Florida girl!
I'm so very proud of the work she is part of!

And now I can say

"Thank You Blackhawk"

and mean it with my heart!

Tainted Memories

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;

then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part;

then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

1Corinthians 13:12

I thought I knew my parents.

Never did I have even an inkling 

that my father had another secret part of his life.

Sifting through their possessions last fall 

when we were cleaning out the apartment,

I found writings of his that shocked and sickened me.

Shocked? Well maybe not...

hadn't I had questions and some niggling doubts 

when Jessica's abuse was brought to light?

He had access to her.

But why would I give a second thought 

to him putting her to bed as a young child?

At the time, I never questioned 

whether it was safe to leave her at my parents' house.

Turns out it wasn't safe...

that truth makes my stomach hurt all the time now.

If she had been able to tell me,

I know without a doubt 

that I would have believed her!

Especially after my own experiences

with my mother's uncle. 

The signs she did show did not fall outside 

my own realm of 

"normal behavior"...

she didn't sleep well anywhere

and would never make it through an

entire overnight with friends...

we checked under her bed every night,

checked the closet,

and made sure all the doors were locked.

(for as long as she lived in our house)

 When she had nightmares, or just couldn't sleep

she would ask me to pray with her

and I did that gladly.

If I had known what was happening to her

I would have protected her.

But I never even suspected.

I'd like to ask my father:
How could you hurt my precious child in those awful ways
and still profess to love me...and her?
How could you live two such totally conflicting lives,
standing at a pulpit each Sunday and preaching to the congregation?
Did you struggle balancing evil and good?
When did you stop hurting her, 
(though I'm thankful that you did) 
and why?
Is anything I believed you to be, true?
Did my mother know what was happening?
Did she protect me?
and if so, why didn't she protect my daughter?

These questions keep going in my mind, 
and I'm feeling stuck...
no way to get answers from a father who's dead, 
or from a mother whose memory is skewed by
Alzheimer's Disease.

I am left with tainted memories.

Clean Canvas for 2016

Snow, so clean, untouched...

2016 is a clean canvas waiting for life to happen.

Renewal...

Refreshing...

2015 was a year of dealing with difficult situations,

sifting through possessions,

great sadness.

Truth that came to light dark spaces,

(and really, with some of the darkness revealed, 

I would rather have stayed in ignorance.)

However, the light points to healing,

and a feeling of empowerment.

Memories of "God things" in my jar...

good reminders of the ways I've been blessed.

No year is all good or all bad.

I will take and value the beneficial things learned, 

as I walk into this new year.

 Words for 2016:

JOY

Hope

Redemption

Love

Anticipation

FAITH