It's Fathers' Day again, Daddy

Honoring you in my heart

thankful for the life you gave me

remembering your smile, your voice, your presence

unconditional love

empathy

listening

quiet steadfast faith

a legacy I hope to live and continue

wishing I could call you

to tell you how much I love you, Daddy!

This Mother's Heart...

I've been mulling this post over in my mind for quite a while, thinking back over my nearly quarter century of being a mother. When I was pregnant with Jessica, a friend recommended that I read the book A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming. I don't remember specifics from the book, but I remember feeling that my heart was changed as I anticipated what it would mean to be a mother.  I carried my daughters close to my heart inside my body for 9 months, and will continue to, outside my body, for their lifetime.
My daughters are grown now, but my heart is just as engaged with them as when they were small.

This mother's heart feels needed when advice is sought.

This mother's heart swells with happiness when they are happy.

This mother's heart hurts when they are hurting.

This mother's heart quickens to protect when they are threatened.

This mother's heart is privileged to pray for and with them at any time of the day or night.

This mother's heart loves them more than they know, always.

Holy Week Reflections

Maundy Thursday is my most favorite service at Blackhawk Church...

It is a special time of reflection, music, prayer, communion and worship that I cherish.

Tonight I took a huge step toward forgiveness, 

knowing it is a process of prayer, and tears,

"letting go", healing and being thankful...

my heart feels ready to journey on 

I have so many memories of Holy Weeks growing up as a pastor's daughter.

My most vivid ones in Plymouth Congregational Church in Dodgeville 

with the beautiful stained glass windows,

 and singing hymns and anthems from the choir loft...

going along when Dad took communion to elderly members of our church, 

hearing the ancient words and deep meaning in the sacrament...

feeling the darkness and silence of Good Friday...

as an adult I've learned to appreciate the "day in between"

before the exquisite joy of the Risen Savior

Easter was Dad's favorite holiday...

and it remains mine as well.

when I am weak, HE is strong enough

it just wasn't a good day

raw emotions and pain

so much stress built up

tears that wouldn't end...

and I was a table host for week 2 of Starting Point at church

I felt so weak, 

just a mess

but I know with certainty

 that God uses people who are weak,

people who are a mess

so I plugged in my ipod, 

hit shuffle on my "Crying Out to God" playlist,

 and prayed as I got into my car

that God would have me hear what I needed to hear.

I was reminded that I am a believer,

that He makes beautiful things out of dust,

that He won't let go,

that He holds my heart,

that He is strong enough,

and that I am a child of the one true King.

And yes, 

even though I was weak and a mess,

He strengthened me

and used me in His wonderful work

and I am thankful

moving forward on my journey

pushing off from familiar shores

new experiences ahead

leaving behind what is safe and comfortable

moving forward on the journey

realizing new potential

I feel like I'm on the edge of something.

I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm open to the possibilities.

I do know for sure that I am where I am supposed to be in my job, 

and am inspired to "give back" out of a spirit of gratitude.

Hold My Heart

February 7th is a hard day for me

it was the morning that my dad left this earth

leaving a huge void in my family, in my life, in my heart

lyrics from Tenth Avenue North's song "Hold My Heart"

will forever remind me of that day

"one tear in the driving rain, one voice in a sea of pain, 

could the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?

one life, that's all I am

right now I can barely stand

if you're everything you say you are

would you come close and hold my heart?"

It's been three years

so many changes

and his legacy lives on...

I see so much of him in my precious daughters

and feel his spirit with me always

I look in the mirror hoping for a glimpse of his quiet strength in my own eyes

February 7th

Abba Father, you received him

I pray for the courage to embrace the day

missing and loving my daddy

Father God, please come close and hold my heart

2014... New Year...

Beauty in bleakness...

perhaps that is a worthy resolution or hope for this year...

to be open and seeking beauty even in the bleakest moments.

Dwelling in hurts, disappointments, and fear is not healthy or productive...

I'm gathering my talents and gifts to use in a new venue.

Living in the present, 

knowing there is darkness, 

yet embracing the light that overcomes it.

Beauty in bleakness...