The end of 2011

There have been many New Year's Eves when I have reflected on the year just past, wishing it didn't have to end while still looking forward to the new year ahead.

I'm really not sad to see 2011 end tonight.
The losses, both personally and professionally, were overwhelming, and grief still appears at odd moments.
If I'm true to who I am, though, I tend to reflect on the growth that was a result of hard times, and all the ways God provided...through people and circumstances.
There were certainly times of celebration and joy, and I am thankful for those memories of 2011.

I've learned that blogging is one of my healthiest coping mechanisms, and photography is a creative outlet.  I've learned to evaluate whether an activity that I have a choice about energizes or drains me, and make those choices accordingly.

As I anticipate 2012, I pray for continued healing, strength and wisdom, and peace in the assurance that God is in control.

My hands are open...ready to let go of 2011
My heart is open...with dreams and HOPE for 2012

Traditions

From a very young age I learned the special significance the nativity held for my dad.  As we set up the nativity each Christmas season, Dad would tell me the story of Jesus' birth. It was one of my favorite traditions.

I was allowed to play with the nativity sets if I was very careful, and with imagination, the story became very real for me.

 The tradition continued into the next generation as my daughter Jessica played with the same nativity set that I had. One night while we were visiting my parents she had been playing before bedtime... when we told her it was time for bed, she resisted a bit, and after we came back downstairs we found that she had decided if she had to go to bed, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, sheep, kings, and animals all had to go to bed too!

My dad's love of the nativity branched into a Candle Creche that was a special part of the Christmas Eve service at church. He read the scriptures as the candles were lit (often my brother Jon was the candle lighter) and then as they were extinguished, all except the Baby Jesus candle which remained lit symbolizing how Christ lives in our hearts.

The love of the Nativity, Candlelit "Silent Night" on Christmas Eve, singing the carols, Baby Jesus' Birthday cake, special Christmas books and movies... all are traditions I have cherished and kept alive in my own family. I am so thankful to my dad for instilling this love in me.

I have both dreaded and anticipated this Christmas. This morning when I awoke, I decided that I choose to celebrate with Joy...and allow the tears to come when they will. I can only imagine what a wonderful celebration there is in Heaven at the memory of Christ's birth, and my precious dad is experiencing it first hand this year. I rejoice in that, and will celebrate the traditions I learned from my parents and have passed on to my children. There are memories to be cherished, and new ones to be made.

Thankful

I can't quite bring myself to saying "Happy" but I AM thankful.

I am thankful for my life in Christ, that God is in control, and that I experience His blessings each and every day.

I am thankful to have grown up in a home where love was expressed...

I am thankful that I had my earthly father for nearly 49 years, and that although I miss him every day, I know joy in the assurance that he is with our Heavenly Father.

I am thankful that my mother is still alive and part of my life.

I am thankful for my loving husband (almost 25 years!) and for my two beautiful and talented daughters.

I am thankful for our church.

I am thankful for extended family whose love and relationships enrich my life.

I am thankful for friends...those who have stuck extra close through this past difficult year, as well as those who have been close at other times in my life.

I am thankful for my EMDT connections, that continue to change my life, help me to grow, and amaze me every day.

I am thankful for technology and how that allows me to stay connected to many.

I am thankful for vacations to happy places.

I am thankful for a job that allows me creative freedom and the chance to touch many young lives.

I am thankful for the ability to give to others.

I am thankful for our home.

I am thankful for excellent medical care.

I am thankful for the choices I enjoy in what I eat.

I am thankful that I can walk in wide open spaces and experience the beauty of nature.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful.

The Wind

Walking into the wind....feeling its force take my breath away and threaten my balance. Part of my heart is shattered... Fragments inflicting continual sharp pain...yet still love remains for the children I carried in my body, close to my heart. Walking with the wind behind me, propelling me forward when I want to give up... clearing the fleeting thoughts that creep in at hopeless moments. Walking with the wind at my side...feeling God's presence...keeping me on the path...walking on.

Anticipation

On my solitary walk, listening to songs that both challenge and refresh my soul, I'm thinking about how a single word can hold such different meanings.
I've walked this same path each week for a couple of months, allowing God to speak to me in my quietness, observing the changes in nature, experiencing the visual gift of sunlight dancing on the water, and soaking in the warmth and beauty...in anticipation.
Anticipation of the winter that is coming...when the sun will be hidden behind clouds full of snow, and deceptive when it does appear, as its distance will not bring warmth, but harsh cold that makes it difficult to breathe.
Anticipation of holidays that are approaching...filling me with dread. Grief has been overtaking me on regular days...

And then there is anticipation of a much different flavor...
an upcoming trip to my "happy place" where the real world recedes for a few days, and fun abounds.
Anticipation of seeing special friends...of allowing the joy and love to fill my heart and carry me through to the spring.

Auditing MLT

Really, was it nearly two years ago that I took MLT for the first time?
As with every audit to this point, I felt it was an amazing experience! Although the course assignments were only slightly changed, I took this opportunity to look back at my original work and celebrate the growth that is evident.
I loved doing the projects, reconnecting with Beth Strudgeon and making some new connections in the course. Perhaps most important, experiencing MLT with new eyes at this time is helping me to celebrate moments with my students and find some "color" in this pretty "grey" school year.

Podcast of my most meaningful educational experience

Brain Based Expert Visit

MLT Reflection Video

Autumn in Wisconsin

Autumn is my favorite season in Wisconsin...
The brilliant blue, cloudless sky, the dancing leaves, change is in the wind. Soaking in the warmth of the sunshine and storing it up for the endless winter days ahead. God speaks under the canopy of leaves that reflect the beauty of His creation. Walking and reflecting, missing, yet knowing He is in control. The seasons change, but beauty can be found, and His love is constant.

Loss

I have a band director's heart, and in that moment the sense of loss was so profound that I experienced real heart-ache.
The change in my teaching position was presented as a "done deal" last spring, so the loss was known before it happened. The loss was anticipated over the summer. The loss was keenly felt as school started, and I began my 22 class section elementary music schedule. The loss hits with sudden tears at unexpected times.
I knew that seeing the band in the parade would be hard... I just didn't anticipate the jolt of pain or the "out of step" feeling.

I Remember...

This decal from a fast food restaurant, which I think cost me $1 has been on our front door for the past ten years.
I remember that day vividly. I was subbing in a 5th grade classroom in our brand new intermediate school. The principal came to the door of the classroom and asked to speak with me. She told me that America was under attack and that when I had free time I may want to stop in the library (where the only working tv was....the school was THAT new!) and catch some of the news reports. She asked me to keep things as normal as possible for the students.
At lunch time I did join other staff members in front of the tv and we watched in stunned horror.
As a mom, I really just wanted to hold my girls. As a wife, I was glad I could talk to my husband, whose company was immediately put under heightened security, and so thankful when all four of us were together at home that evening!
As a believer, I prayed and cried out to God, and prayed more.
As an American citizen, I saw our country pull together in a way I'd never seen before, as the images which were imprinted on my heart were replayed over and over on the news.
Love for America, mixed with the horror and disbelief, a hurting heart for those who lost loved ones, and for the loss for us all of the sense of security we had taken for granted.
I remember boarding a plane for our family vacation less than two months later...the first flight my daughters would remember, glad for the increased security measures, but still feeling very anxious.

This morning I was awakened by sounds of airplanes and felt eerily chilled. I remember.... it is good to remember.

Celebrating Brittany

19 years ago Brittany Jan Kellen came into my life! I remember wondering how I could ever love a second child as much as I loved my first, but she quickly captured my heart just like her sister!
So many memories , so much laughter, Brittany is a bright, colorful, BIG personality!
This birthday celebration will be different (at her request)... no Cat cake, or special dinner at home. We had a wonderful time celebrating, though, at Bluefies' for dinner and Gigi's cupcakes! I'm hoping this is an amazing year for Brittany at UW Madison... so excited for her!

Auditing DAE

Normally I haven't audited in back to back months, but auditing DAE exceeded my expectations and resulted in a project that will make things easier for me during the first week of school. I decided to present my music room rules and procedures in my flash project so that I could be sure all 22 K-2 music classes received the same consistent information. It was great to reconnect with Lisa Smith, and my biggest take-away is that now I know how to make short animated flash to use in videos!

Music Room Rules and Procedures

My Schoology Adventure

The idea took shape over Chai Lattes in our local coffee house. My friend Angela was asking me about my EMDT experiences and wishing out loud that her young teens had more technology training at their school... I knew that I'd be auditing Learning Management Systems and Organization with Dr. Reo McBride soon... What if I could design a summer enrichment technology course in Schoology while auditing and then teach it to Angela's children? We both became more excited talking about the possibilities, and what components I might include... the adventure had begun!

Dr. McBride introduced me to Schoology and I found that to be a perfect fit for my course, "Exploring Web 2.0 Tools". My objectives for my students were to explore, experience, create, reflect and respond. I drew on my EMDT experiences in Rena Hanaway's and Kathy Craven's courses to include the creation of a personal learning environment, exploration of Web 2.0 tools, blogging, and digital storytelling as course activities. I enjoyed creating the tutorials and other media assets. My excitement was building as the implementation phase drew closer!

Because this was largely an experiment, I scheduled five "face to face" meetings with the students. Parents were involved in setting up accounts and the unveiling of the the course.
Heather, 14, and Justin, 12, were enthusiastic, and I was amazed by their exploration and creation throughout the month. Their unique personalities were very evident, and confirmed my intent to allow for their individual interests and needs to be met. Their final project digital stories blew me away, evidencing creative and critical thinking, organization, and skills they had gained! They exceeded my hopes!

I asked the students to write a blog post as a culminating activity reflecting on their experience.
"I just completed my technology course for the year. I explored web tools like Prezi and Stencyl. I learned about digital stories. I made a movie with Windows Movie Maker. I had a great time and I loved the course. It is one of those things that I would do again."

"I liked being able to steer the course towards things which I am interested in and good at. This course can take many different directions depending on the projects you decide to do for each assignment. I have learned many things this summer, and I think that was the best part of the course!"

In my own reflection, I consider this adventure a great success and am excited to see what path it takes in the future. I have already had a request to offer the course to a home schooling family during the school year, and will most likely offer a similar one to my "pilot" students next summer. I will definitely cut down the number of "face to face" sessions and rely more on the grading and feedback options that are built into Schoology.

For me, the passion and life changes that began with my EMDT year just continue to grow!

Magnetic Force Effect

I was thinking about the magnetic force effect that some people in my life have on me. This image came to mind as a way to visualize what I'm feeling:

Link to Dr. Siegel's EMDTMS blog post

"Auditing Awesomeness"

Game Design... a new passion?

This audit was an epic experience... the BEST so far (and the other two were amazing!)
I learned so much about game design and found the PICK A SEAT model that Dr. Siegel shared to be very valuable! I use games all the time in my music classes and am an avid World of Warcraft player for stress relief and fun with friends. Now my new quest and dream is to someday supply the engaging game pitch and have someone else build my ideas! It's a different relationship, auditing, and for this life-long learner truly inspiring and engaging!

Auditing GSM

I am auditing GSM this month and am excited to experience the changes to the course that Dr. Siegel has made in the past year!
I had to laugh at myself as I quickly clicked off as many assignments as I could! True to form, my default settings!!

Cityville is a new facebook game for me. It is fun, and I've been managing my time today around the energy of the game.
So glad it is summer and I have extra time to play! Probably just exactly what I need!

Honoring my Dad

I was asked what I would do on this Fathers' Day weekend to honor my dad. I've looked at pictures, cried some tears, and sifted through memories. My dad loved me unconditionally and encouraged me to take the steps I needed toward independence...


I remember asking my dad one time when "Children's Day" was....since there was "Mothers' Day" and "Fathers' Day"... his answer was that EVERY DAY was "Children's Day"! As a parent, I now know the truth of that statement!



At my wedding I wanted my dad to just be my dad.... not the pastor that married us... and he was.


Throughout my life I could always talk to my dad about anything. He never judged me or made me doubt his love and support for me. He taught me through example that relationships are most important and sometimes a person just needs for you to listen. My dad faced difficult circumstances with quiet courage and strength. I was blessed beyond measure to have the relationship I shared with him, and I pray that I can emulate the qualities in his life that I admire most. I will miss him always, even as I rejoice that he is complete and at home with our Heavenly Father.
On this Fathers' Day, I honor your memory, Dad, and love you forever!!

EMDT in Wisconsin!!

Having EMDT in Wisconsin for the New Media Consortium really capped off my amazing week! Yesterday I had the privilege of being Kathy Craven's tech assistant in her session on digital literacy and then sitting in on Dr. Holly Ludgate and Dr. Sue Bedard's presentation about Challenge Based Research. Both experiences made me feel so proud of the EMDT masters program and Full Sail University and fueled me with renewed energy and excitement!
Tonight's dinner, again brought to light the unique connections that are made in different aspects of the program...with a mix of students, alumni, mentors and course directors there was much laughter and great conversation, with the common bond being an ONLINE masters program! The relationships are real, and they are there for anyone who reaches out. Social media is wonderful and facilitates these connections, but face to face time, now THAT is really special! :)

Games+Learning+Society Educator Symposium

The symposium was very interesting and I enjoyed sharing the experience with Joan Brooke (LMC specialist at my school) and Catherine Yoho (fellow EMDT alumni).
The afternoon session of learning to design a game in SCRATCH was amazing! As is typical for me, I didn't just want to play with it, I wanted to create a game that I can use with students in my content area! I asked questions until I knew how to do what it was that I envisioned... and even was accused of being an "Over Achiever"! :) Instructional design is definitely an area I am wanting to grow in, so finding a new avenue to create engaging content delivery was exciting and energizing to me!

Congratulations Brittany! OHS Graduate!

Such a beautiful and happy day for my daughter Brittany! Her open house party was lots of fun! Graduation was full of inspiring speeches and memorable moments. I am so excited for Brittany to embark on the next phase of her life going to UW Madison in August!

Social Media and Relationships...My Story

Recently I was interviewed by a local news anchor for a story on Social Media and Relationships. She did a wonderful job with the angle of "Now and Then"! However it was not my angle or my story...

The story I wanted to tell is how social media and EMDT have given me amazing connections and relationships. When I began the Education, Media Design and Technology masters program through Full Sail University online I was already a Facebook user. I had experienced instant messaging, and had heard of Skype... but I had no idea how vital the use of social media was about to become!
First there was the profile...what information should I include to portray myself to my classmates and course directors? Skype and iChat soon became the norm for communication...type chats with icons, video chats, screen sharing, as well as conference calls for group meetings helped me build relationships and feel connected. During class Wimba sessions, my group of friends would often have either Skype or iChat open as well to safeguard against accidentally typing a private observation to the "main room"! Social media enables this masters program to have the personal, connected feeling that would not be expected in an online program.
Being a mentor in the EMDT program has resulted in many more connections and relationships, and again, social media facilitates this. When my father died suddenly in February, I was auditing a course as well as being a mentor. I was overwhelmed by the heartfelt support that came in the form of emails, facebook posts, Skype and iChat messages...some from EMDT students I had not even "met"!
I can't begin to imagine life now without social media... a message popping up that makes me smile, the opportunity to reach across time zones and miles to answer a question, brainstorm, just connect!
The rich relationships that have been added to my life....that is the story I wanted to tell!

Is Spring ever going to be here?

ETC Audit

Auditing ETC has been a wonderful experience! It gave me the nudges I needed to 1. create a podcast and post it on my teacher website and 2. develop the tutorials for udutu that I've been talking about... now I'm ready to pitch a staff development session idea to my district's Director of Instruction! So much has changed in Rena's course...(which is why I wanted to audit)
I so love being a mentor for EMDT... and I feel that auditing courses not only feeds my life long learning quest, but also helps me to be a more effective mentor!

WoW! Level 80

Who would have thought? Just over nine months ago I was just sure that I would not like World of Warcraft. I had to play it for Game Strategies and Motivation... but then I got hooked! Not only by the game itself, but by the intense fun of skype chatting and playing with friends. A Priest is supposed to be very difficult to level...yet Kathannah was my favorite and I was determined!
Joe, Alice, Rena, Ryan, Stacie, and Dr. Siegel...thank you for the hours of fun, help, advice, gold...the elation and achievement I feel are yours as well!
On to Level 85!

LMO Audit ends...

image created at Wordle.net

Auditing LMO was a really amazing experience! The flavor of the course was distinctly different from when I took it in July 2010!
I learned about creating a course in the LMS Schoology (see my presentation at the end of this post!)
I so appreciated my former classmate Joe Huber, who viewed my initial assignments and gave me feedback! The Month 10 students were very welcoming, and Dr. Reo's video check-ins during wimba sessions really nurtured a community feeling!
Two weeks ago, I experienced a really low time and seriously considered ending the audit...it was the day after my dad's memorial service, I felt overwhelmed and was just beginning the assignment that was due the next evening (unheard of for me during my EMDT year!!) Yet I was determined to get the most I could out of the experience and pushed through. Now, with all the activities completed, I can say that I finished strong, and I am proud of that.

Note to self (and others who will audit courses) It was REALLY unsettling to have to leave assignments (all AR related) incomplete and see those ZEROS in the grades (even though grades don't count for an auditor!!) :)

Hold My Heart...

The song "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North was playing on the radio last Monday when I was driving to my mom's after getting the call that my dad had died...
"One tear in the driving rain...
one voice in a sea of pain...
could the Maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am...
right now I can barely stand...
If You're everything You say You are...
would You come close and hold my heart?"
It was fitting at that moment, and is now as well.


The memorial service was a very special tribute to my dad's life, and many people have reached out to touch our hearts in the past week. So much to DO...I think I've been on autopilot with very little time to grieve.
This is where the grieving begins...
at the point where life picks up and moves on. I can say the words and know that they're true..."it was a blessing, Dad is free from the ravages of Parkinson's Disease, he is with our Heavenly Father..."
yet my heart cries "how do I go on without ever seeing his smile, hearing his voice, feeling his touch, having his quiet strength and presence in my life here on earth?"
this is where the grieving begins...and healing starts.

A Void in My Life

My world changed early Monday morning when my dad went home to our Heavenly Father and left a huge void in my life. His quiet strength has been an inspiration to many, and I will probably never know how many lives he impacted throughout his years of ministry. He used to tell me that you can always recognize a person by their eyes and smile. I definitely miss his!

When I was growing up as a "preacher's kid" I often accompanied my dad for hospital and nursing home calls. I was always proud to be known as his daughter, and I learned a lot about listening to and caring for people. My dad taught me about unconditional love by modeling it. I did not, however, inherit my musicality from him! On our cross country trips to California Dad liked for us all to sing....some of his favorites were "On the Dummy Line", "I Love the Mountains", "California Here I Come"...my mom's voice was beautiful, but my dad's was....a joyful noise! He was always a great "audience" as my music career unfolded.

My Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease when he was 50 years old. His journey through the past 23 years with this disease and the challenges that accompanied it were met with an uncomplaining spirit and a faith that never wavered.

I am thankful that he has now been released from the bondage of that disease, that God delivered him in His time. Yet I will forever miss my daddy, his unconditional love and support for me, and inspiration of how to live with dignity, grace and hope in challenging circumstances.


In loving memory of David W. Roberts January 30, 1938 - February 7, 2011

The Audit Adventure Begins

image created at Wordle.net

I am an EMDT auditor!! I have thought about this for a long time (way before I graduated!)
I have prepared myself for the experience to be different....no fantastic friends by my side this time to chat with in Wimba, to bounce ideas off of, to laugh with and encourage...but I'm not auditing for those reasons.

I'm there to learn, to contribute, to create, to be a productive class member, but also to be respectful and mindful of the current students...this is THEIR year, THEIR EMDT experience!

So excited! Ready for the LMO audit adventure!