Live and Celebrate the Moments... Christmas 2013

The moment when God gave us the gift of his Son...not in a palace with celebratory fanfare, but in a simple setting, no less special, proclaimed by the angels to the shepherds.
God uses ordinary people and things for His "moments".

As I look back over this year, it is the stories and moments that come to mind.
Each one of us has stories to share, and my wish is to have you experience these moments of our family in a visual way.

2014 approaches, and my hope is to listen more, search for meaning and not stuff, show love and compassion, and focus on gratitude.

Wishing you all the true gifts of love and joy in this Christmas season and always!

Letting Go

I have trouble letting go...

of dreams, even when reality is crystal clear

of roles, even when the fit is no longer healthy

of relationships, even when there is dishonesty and pain

My default action is to hang on.

I fear disconnection...

yet as I release and let go

the hurt will pass

my heart and hands are open

joy will come again

and God who is unchanging and forever true

will not let go

Once Upon A Time

An avid fiction reader all my life
I am fascinated by stories and details...
And there is always a "back-story"...

I read favorite books multiple times, and view favorite movies in the same way...
Perhaps unconsciously searching for something I may have missed the first time,
or simply to recapture a feeling...

There have been times in my life where I have been "blind sided" by a "back story"...
and in the resulting hurt
my story is always the same...
unceasing questions which can't be spoken aloud
and self blame

Vacations are Vital!

Vacations are vital, and Door County is a beautiful destination

breathtaking views

relaxed schedule

somewhat "disconnected"

excellent food

new experiences and things to laugh about

cleansing for my soul

Vacations are vital

Self Discovery

Self Discovery happens unexpectedly sometimes, but nearly always includes examination of my heart.

It's been a great summer, overall, but there have been times when I've truly felt a void.
It became crystal clear to both Tom and me recently when a former student of mine happened to be having lunch at Perkins when we were. It was fun to visit with her and her mom, and after we left there, Tom said to me, "you really miss kids"!  I do!! Not even having a grown-up kid at home this summer, and living in a neighborhood that is older, I miss kid contact!!  That explains why I am excited to go back to teaching, and why as I enjoy my laid-back summer, the "Back to School" ads really aren't bothering me as they have in the past.

Another self discovery that came to me around the same time is that I'm great at support roles.
I'm not a star. I love supporting others behind the scenes.
I was talking about a role I'd had in my former teaching position supporting a colleague, and how much I'd enjoyed that...
then realized that is exactly the role I play as a course mentor for Full Sail!  No wonder it's such a good fit for me!

Song in my heart

I never really got it before I met Song...
I didn't understand how a dog would work her way into my heart, or how she'd get me to do things that I never thought I would, like allowing her on our bed.  Song makes me feel like I am one of the most important people in her world, and when she is staying with us, my world pretty much revolves around her! Such unconditional love.
My precious "grand-dog"... I'll miss her when she goes home tomorrow!

Happy Fathers' Day Daddy

Happy Fathers' Day, Daddy.
How I wish I could call you, just to hear your voice again.
How I wish I could hug you and let you know how much I love you and miss you.
This past year has held so many blessings. I know you would be so happy knowing that I love my job in McFarland, and I know that you would be pleased with the way Tom and I are helping Mom.

I felt your presence at Jessica's wedding, and know beyond the shadow of a doubt how much you would love Will. You'd be very proud of Jessica's compassionate care of your friends at Oakwood, her depth of faith, and the amazing woman she is becoming.
You'd also be so proud of Brittany.  She's grown so much in her faith in the past year.  You'd love her adventurous spirit and her heart for people in bondage.  She's creative and fun, and you'd enjoy hearing about her adventures.

Daddy, you molded me in so many ways, and I thank you for being the kind of father who not only pointed me to my Father in Heaven, but made Abba Father real to me on Earth as well.
I will love you always and forever, and someday we'll be reunited...save a spot for me next to you!

Our family has increased...

It was a glorious celebration of love and joy

May 4, 2013

Jessica and William McIlhenny

I've reflected a lot on Jessica's life,

remembering my prayers with her and for her,

thankful that God held her when Tom and I couldn't,

and praising HIM for bringing her to this place of becoming a wife to Will

Because to me, pictures always speak louder than words,

here are some of my favorites to commemorate this life event on my journey.

Thinking out loud

I just finished reading the book 'Heaven is For Real' by Todd Burpo.

It's funny how sometimes it just seems like the right time to read a particular book.

It touched me deeply as I think about Holy Week.

Thinking about Jesus on that cross and God the Father turning His face away.

God KNEW the outcome

yet still made the sacrifice of His Son.

Todd Burpo expresses in the book that as a father, he would have done ANYTHING to take away the suffering of his son Colton...including trading places with him.

This resonated with me.

How many times I have prayed for God to take away Jessica's pain...

I would take it all upon myself in a heartbeat.

Todd Burpo writes,

"The scripture says that as Jesus gave up his spirit, as he sagged there,  lifeless on that Roman cross, God the Father turned His back.  I am convinced that He did that because if He had kept watching, He couldn't have gone through with it." p.149

My faith is based on the outcome, but my heart, as a mother, feels the process.

Reading this book also made me think about my dad.

Not long ago I was thinking about the upcoming wedding and picturing myself standing in the church watching Brittany come down the aisle, 

seeing Will waiting for his bride,

watching Tom and Jessica approach...

remembering my walk down an aisle with my dad.

Will he know?

Will we feel his presence?

After reading this book, my heart hopes so.

Blessed!

Recently I have had the overwhelming feeling of being blessed.

I've even expressed out loud that I love my life...

Not that it's perfect by any stretch of imagination, 

But I feel like God has placed me in a time of great blessing.

I love my church and the opportunities I have to serve ...

Seeing God at work in my daughters' lives gives me great joy.

It's amazing to me that Tom and I will be giving our oldest in marriage and have a son-in-law soon.

I have awesome friends!

I love my job, and am so grateful God led me there.

I am truly blessed

I am thankful

I desire to be a blessing in response...

The day my world changed...

a gray winter day

an early morning phone call

and my world forever changed

it's been two years...

TWO YEARS!  How can that be?

It seems like yesterday sometimes.

Where am I in my grief journey?

a digital story in beginning stages that someday I'll find the strength to create...

tears that come at odd times, both quiet and intense...

memories that bring smiles, and even laughter

glimpsing his spirit in the mirror

and in the hearts and eyes of my daughters

faith that has grown deeper

joy experienced

and yet,

missing Dad never truly goes away

Birthdays and other days...I still miss you, Dad!

this photo was taken at our celebration of my upcoming graduation from my masters' program 

(Sept. 2010) I love how naturally happy my dad looks in this shot!

It's my dad's birthday.

He would have been 75.

I still miss him so very much.

Naturally, thoughts of Dad have been prominent...

with Jessica's engagement, I just know he would be so happy, and love how the heirloom diamond graces her finger!

with Mom's memory issues, I would give anything for a chance to talk with Dad...

I always valued his advice and counsel.

I could wish him back, 

but even as much as I miss him, I don't.

How could I?

I know that he is in Heaven, free from the debilitation of Parkinsons' Disease.

So I remember him with joy, 

thankful for the 49 years in which he helped shape who I am...

and I miss him with tears.

Wishing you a happy birthday, Daddy.

I will love you forever!

Meeting the Parents...

This is all new for me...

my in-love, engaged daughter and the man God has blessed her with

I've had the moments of overwhelming awe at how God has answered my prayers for her.

Another incredible experience of His love was last evening

when two families came together over a meal

accompanied by laughter, love, and shared joy!

I can't help but think that this isn't always how it is,

and again, I am thankful.

God is so good!

I can't wait for the wedding 

and for shared celebrations to come!